Friday, March 11, 2011


I've been sporting maternity pants for the past... five months? Six months, even? I'm over maternity wear. I can barely remember what it feels like to wear pants with an actual waistband. It's convenient to just pull down my pants in one fell swoop when I need to pee for the 47th time in an hour, but I really miss my zipper. I also miss not having my pants fall down every time I move.

Maternity shirts almost make up for the horror of maternity pants. I'm 5'10" tall, and most of that height is in my torso. I only have a 34" inseam, so I can get away with most pants without buying the "tall" size, but shirts are an entirely different animal. It is difficult to find shirts and sweaters that will cover my entire stomach, even when my stomach isn't threatening to take over the rest of my body.

Maternity tee shirts are awesome. They're not really any different from normal tee shirts, except that they're very, very long. Long enough to cover a giant baby bump on a regular-sized person.

My extra-long torso has blessed me with the ability to still look somewhat thin while people tell me I'm all belly. After all, unlike shorter women, I don't have to grow outwards to accommodate a baby--there's plenty of room between my pelvis and my ribs. I don't need to maneuver around a basketball where my stomach used to be--I don't really have a bump, I have a puffy torso. It's obvious that there is a baby in there, but at the same time, people keep asking me where I'm putting the 30+ pounds.

I keep offering to pull down my pants and let them see my 30-pounds-heavier butt, but they always decline. Why is that?

Anyway, maternity shirts. Since I don't look like I swallowed any sports equipment, the shirts don't need to stretch over my belly that much. A very long shirt that would look normal on a woman stretching it over 5+ inches of extra stomach is a perfectly-sized tee shirt on me. I'm loving it.

For the first time in my life, I don't need to worry about my shirt riding up over the top of my jeans... due to the same life event that causes most women to worry about their shirts riding up over their jeans.

Haha, suckers--everyone can see your elastic maternity band but no one can see mine! :P

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